I love my chidren but I hate my life:All joy and no fun!

I was watching the Today show yesterday morning, and I saw a segment titled I love my children but I hate me life!  Obviously, I was intrigued because, really, who hasn’t thought that? In all honesty, I think that about once a week. But when I think it, its usually because my world is spiraling out of control due to  overwhelming circumstances; toddler meltdowns, a messy house, a sassy mouthed preschooler, ME biting off more than I can chew( usually more times than not, its ME) ..and it all happening simultaneously. In the end, its about me and balancing this life I’ve chosen and all of the responsibility that comes with it. In reality, I never actually hate my life..what I hate is the feeling that I am failing at it!
I’m listening to this segment, which by the way was only a snippet of the actually article they were referencing, and I am thinking they are making it sound like these women hate their lives..literally hate their lives because its not what it was cracked up to be . This segment alluded to the fact that this is the norm. I know loads of women and I have never met a woman who has insinuated or said outright “Damn, I wish I could get a refund because Motherhood is really lacking and in no way as fulfilling as I thought it would be!”
Of course, there was nothing that could prepare us for what parenthood actually is…a wild and crazy ride wrought full of  hills and valleys,laughter and tears; sometimes within the same day, the same hour or even the same moment! We get pregnant with the intention of creating a baby who is part of our loved one and our self, the baby is a symbol of the depth and breadth of the scope of our love for our spouse/partner/etc. Obviously, being what it symbolizes, we want to believe that something so profound would be a magical experience. But like all things we fantasize about, reality is a little more gritty, dirty, work, and real!
There is a definitely an illusion that is perpetrated about parenthood, especially Motherhood. Come on,how else could we be convinced to go through labor and delivery? It is also not something you can truly understand without experiencing it.
Having my children has been the single most important events in my life, aside from meeting my husband…and you see the three things go hand in hand.The moment I married my husband, I became a wife and the moment when I gave birth to my girls, I was born again, as a Mother. Now, I am privy to a few more of the great mysteries of life. For instance,  I know that my heart is capable of growing with the birth of each successive baby, I know that that gigantic heart lives and roams free outside of my body and my biggest job in the world is to protect that heart from getting hurt, and I know that Motherhood is the hardest job that you will ever love!
Of course its not all chocolate and roses, its real. It’s work, but its rewarding maybe not every minute of every day but it is creating something in the world, It’s about perpetuating the species and leaving a legacy. Our children are a version of ourselves and with each passing generation we have left behind a piece of ourselves to live on forever. I know there has been many times when I have felt as if I am being cheated or punished because I can not do the things I did before I had my children. We are human and by nature selfish and in want of instant gratification. Once we have our children, society dictates that we are not allowed those luxuries any longer and that leaves us feeling wanting. This leads to us feeling unsatisfied with our quality of life and that manifests into self doubt. Most days, I feel like I am the only mother having  a hard time figuring this all out and why don’t I think every single moment is glorious? What is wrong with me? But once I realized that this is me evolving into a different version of myself, not worse, but different in my perspective and my scope of experience; then and only then was I able to embrace Motherhood for what it really is… a lot of hard work, laced with moments of profound bliss. I think if it were blissful always, the important moments wouldn’t be as important. The craziness is to keep the balance of things.
When I say I hate my life, I hate that I can’t handle the change. But I take a deep breath, as all parents do, I continue on and before I know it I have arrived at the next moment of bliss and amazement. Just think about it, is there anything that you have ever done in your entire life that felt as amazing as the moment that you first held your newborn baby?

About Deborah Cruz

The founder/editor of The TRUTH about Motherhood http://www.motherhoodthetruth.com
This entry was posted in I love my children but hate my life, Loving our children, the unfulfillment of the myth of motherhood. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to I love my chidren but I hate my life:All joy and no fun!

  1. The moment I held Cam is the single most wonderful time in my whole life. I re-live that moment everyday when he looks and me and says "I Love you Mommy!" — There are times when I want to just choke him (not literally – you know what I mean) but I always love him and would never ever at anytime ever try to return (you know what I mean there too) him EVER!He is the greatest gift from God that I ever received, and for me everyday I wake up and he's there it's another gift! Parenthood is hard, but it's the best job in the world.

  2. You are so right. Motherhood has made me happier. It's given me purpose, excitement, and the life I had always wanted. I just wrote about this last week and someone sent me the link to that article the other day. I believe that most of time when we say to ourselves "I hate my life" it's not really about the crying child, messy house, etc. I believe that it is simply the expectiation that society puts on us to LOVE every moment of motherhood. We are made to feel like failures. In the moment when your child is having a meltdown you are thinking "what is wrong with me? what have I done wrong?" The sadness and depression most mothers feel comes from this constant feeling of inadequacy. I have been trying really hard to fight those feelings lately and live my life as a mother based on my own standards. It's not easy with friends, family, and media constantly reminding you what a "good mom" is, but this recent revelation has given me strength. I am enjoying motherhood much more and I think my children will benefit from that.

  3. S Farrell says:

    I can relate to everything here! I sometimes feel guilty for complaining when really, being a mom is something I would never trade for the world. Great post!

  4. Being a mom gives you hope for the world to go on.

  5. So true. Motherhood means less time and money, more work, exhausting days and nights… but I'm happier than I ever was when I had free time, extra cash, and peaceful days and nights!

  6. All I have to say is…AMEN!

  7. You've hit the nail on the head with this one. As a full time working mom I constantly fight the mom guilt of putting my boys in daycare, never getting all the laundry don't, not spending enough quality time with the Hubs…but when it gets to that "I hate my life" moment Hubs or my soon to be 3 year old will do something so sweet out of the blue and I remember nothing worth having in this life is easy. I've been blessed with 2 happy healthy boys, a husband that loves me despite my craziness and a place to rest my head. Most people don't have half of that, so if I have to be sleep deprived most nights, have nightmare about laundry and a preschooler that knows exactly which button to push to make the gray hairs sprout from my chin šŸ™‚ so be it. One day when I'm old and gray I'll look back on these times as the greatest of my life, well maybe not the part where little man whacked me in the face with his dump truck šŸ™‚

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